CHIGGERS ATE MY BODY and now I Itch...Bad

Chiggers ate my body.

They are mites, not under the skin like scabies, but they eat your skin and then lay larvae in the holes. Disgusting I know, so I spread this knowledge that when in the Ozarks of Missouri, WEAR LONG PANTS!

I saw an eight foot long black snake. Okay it was probably only three feet long but nonetheless I yelped like an old man getting mugged by a six year-old at a 7-11 on a Sunday morning. I did have a .22 with me but it was unloaded and I was so shocked by the situation that I just stared at it. He didn't move. It was not a famous Mexican standoff but totally noteworthy in my daily, day to day, Ozark living.

I might add that my boyfriend, upon hearing my Old-Man Yelp, came a' running with a loaded gun, to protect his woman. Lucky for us all, the snake slithered on and I came back to Nerissa-like senses.

Snakes ARE very common there. Specifically poisonous snakes ARE very common in Missouri. This snake, well, was not one of them. But he could have been!

I saw turtles. I saw turtles in a pond. We were sent to that very pond, by family members, with a specific turtle population mission. It was a more a quest. A quest with loaded .22 rifles...

We played cards at night while watching funny movies from our 80's past, drank coffee out of mugs from the 1970's, swung the porch swing every morning while gazing at herds of deer, hung out at Patsy's Bar where a nine month old served me a shot of Jameson, and I met two grandparents at the Shirley Cemetery, which is NOT a town but a lovely place to bury your dead. 

The drive back today was long, twisted and devious, with a tinge of coffee overload, sugar shock, Jack in the Box, Pizza Lunchables, Alien questions with answers, Art of War remembrances, and Sunflower Seeds.

Now I sit on the floor of my home in some sort of glaze in life that only a 13 hour drive can truly provide the soul. I survived. Better yet, I am awesomely alive. Yo.

But will be in bed very soon.

I'M HOME!

AND I SAY, HEEEEEELLLLLLLO!!!!

The world is my oyster...

Booted from 3 different areas while watching a Cardinals Play-off Game!

Talked life with a sweet Grandma as we walked down photo-memory lane.

Ate at Pietro's, an Italian restaurant in old town St. Louis, which has been around for over 50 years.
www.pietrosdining.com/

Ran in the leaves with 2 crazy, awesome puppies at the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial National Park...THE ARCH!

Lost my cell phone while running in the leaves with 2 crazy, awesome puppies at the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial National Park...THE ARCH!

Ate PROVEL, the classic St. Louis cheese blend, brought to the world by IMO'S Pizza. Thank you IMO'S. www.imospizza.com/

Took a run and thus further pulled the muscle in my foot.

A hillbilly called me a hippie and told to get a job, while I was running. I'm surprised he didn't throw a beer can at me.

Screamed at a rigor mortis raccoon hidden by the night, while I was running.

Ate a Hebrew National Hot dog and a half hour later proceeded to watch it bounce off the back of a porcelain toilet (pancreatic backlash).

HELLO WORLD!

I'm awake today.

Union Troops Burnt it Down

Packing bags.

Boiling eggs.

(totally funny aftertaste)

Food in refrigerator ready to fly.

Taking Mom's Apple Pie...

 

Cardinals will be playing.

Standing room only,

But we have tickets

To a playoff game!

 

Grandma we are visiting

Pinochle rules I'll be learning

Aunt Linda to say hi to

The farm in acreage of 40  

and me a prancing pony.

 

Ozarks will be rolling

With the Hills of

Civil War Glory

Burnt down city

by Union Troops

Doniphan was Rebuilt

 

Am I ready for you?

Are you ready for me?

 

Tomorrow...

 

we will find out,

what's meant to be.

GOODBYE BUENOS AIRES; Chile Journals

JANUARY 18^TH BUENOS AIRES AIRPORT 4 AM

So I’m leaving to go back to Chile’. I’m not excited. In fact, I’m rather ****ing sad. Buenos Aires was great. No guy jacking off on my leg. The men here were more than respectful and I made a new friend, PLYMOUTH.

I could read this in 2 months and go who? PLYMOUTH who? But for the two days spent, well, he was my buddy. We agreed to keep in touch… which if life has taught me anything, only means what you make it.

I left K in Buenos Aires. She flies out tomorrow—well technically today. Her flight was full for this afternoon so I had to take the freaking 5 am flight back. Yuck—AND ALONE! With no translator… D and K have been lifesavers for that.

She’s lucky though, she gets to sleep and see more of Buenos Aires. I haven’t slept yet. Yes I am tired. It’s 4 a.m.

I leave for the states in less than a week! I am excited and nervous. What if I just fall back into my old bullshit? Not studying for the GRE—not applying myself—OMG  NOT TRAVELING! What?!

I would love to go back to Buenos Aires! Never forget that!

Now that I’ve lived in Chile I fear I don’t really like it or at least not Valparaiso. The place I desperately wanted to live is a place I am desperate to get away from now. That’s how it goes…

But what am I doing? What did I learn? Why did I do this? I moved to Chile because it was “home” and I loved it so much when I came in September… it’s not what I thought. It’s so much harder than I expected… and I’ve been told it’s because I live in Valparaiso and it would be different in Vina—because it’s a city with money and more access to things… They say Vina is more like the US.

I am just a weenie. A tired weenie.

Oh, I would like to continue my travels before I leave South America! Like Mendoza and Northern Chile’ but I am dangerously close to outta moola which means outta luck my friend.

Otherwise, in Buenos Aires I saw the Andy Warhol exhibit at the Malba! Such a fantastic place! It puts our Walker Modern Art Museum to shame! I saw the Campbell Cans and Edie Sedgwick and Marilyn! It was amazing and I felt like I was really experiencing something.

I ended up in a jazzercise class too! In the middle of a freaking street! Kicked my ass it did! I was so into it though that I accidentally smacked a lady right in the face. She sat down right after. PLYMOUTH said I crushed her spirit but I think she was just tired. Besides, she wasn’t getting it—and that’s why I accidentally smacked her—she wasn’t keeping up. The music was so 1970’s disco! It pumped me up to hear English music!

I ran around the botanicals and the zoo—meditated by a pond—watched a dog jump into the pond chasing a stick over and over again.

My hostel was fantastic! Dormitory style called the Palermo House! I met so many people—so many Dutch people now that I think about it.

I forgot to tell you about BOLOGNA! He’s my travel buddy—though some would say he’s just a plastic toy from a chocolate candy—but I say, “phish” to that. Now Chongo doesn’t have to be alone—he’s got Bologna (and cheese.)

12 DAY TIL I BECOME MISSOURIFIED!

Missouri! Yes we are off to St. Louis, Missouri on the 19th of October for one week.

The Cardinals, if they get their act together, might be in the playoffs, and wouldn't that be a bit of crack to catch a game of the home team.

There is a wonderful Slovak Grandma in St. Louis excited to talk Haluski.

An arch is ready for me to ascend and so many eat streets! Pretzel buns and BBQ's and in certain circles they are known for their pizza. IMO'S PIZZA in St. Louis has a special cheese blend combining Swiss, Cheddar and Provolone; the pharmaceutical combination is called Provel.  

From there we hit Doniphan, Missouri to hang on a family farm of 40 acres of beautiful pine wooded land.

Doniphan is surrounded by hilly roads, houses made of tarps with dudes drinking beer inside, and warning, wasps! Across the road from Doniphan is Arkansas, where the folk would seek a glass of the goodies during prohibition.

I believe it will also be in the 70's-80's which will be a wonderful change from our current 48 degrees. I can't complain. I'm from Wisconsin and cold is built into the bones but, cheese on crackers, I wouldn't mind a few more runs outside before I turn in my Vibram running shoes for boots and a mismatched hat.

12 more days until I become Missourified.

Gnome saying?

 

BETHANY AMBUEHL ARE YOU READING?!!!

Just in...Seattle, Washington. That's right! I'm so excited!!!! 

And, Bethany Ambuehl, if you are reading this, be prepared. We will be stopping by your Wine Bar. You better be there. If not...fate is a funny, funny, jerk potato butt face with a crappy sense of humor and rancid cologne made from vinegar and monkey urine.

I could just call you...but it's best to put it in the air and hope it finds you.

November 13th-15th look for me because I will be looking for you.

PS-Hope you are well and that you still work at that Wine Bar...

To all others who read the blog for the sake of reading, which is always good for ones intellect I've been told, I will be traveling to Portland, Oregon the 15th-17th of November. This shall be beautiful, fun, and just plain excellent times for all!

So lets play pinochle with panache and plain vigor.

 

PUKE BAG and "Uh Oh..."

I took a hiatus from you.

I mean not to disappoint my readers for my disappearance. As of late, I've been facing down a few medical issues that has left me with little focus for anything else.

Not kidding, you should have seen my laundry load.

But today is good day.

A plane just took off into the blue sky of life. I didn't feel the desperate need to be on that plane but there will always be apart of me that wonders where it is going, will I be going there myself soon, will it land safe, and what culture will it be immersed in?

Being sick is hard. Being sick while traveling is frustrating.

I'm not changing the subject just simply follow the flow of my brain and you will quickly understand what I am saying.

The United Kingdom was fantastic. I was exhausted. I cried 3 times because I couldn't move my body anymore.

I saw so much. I remember half of it. I got extremely ill with what plagues me. On my birthday. Terrible timing but I've gotten use to it.

Scotland's mountains in Spring are a beautiful, vibrant yellow. I was on a bus through the Highlands. I passed out for the first hour because I get motion sickness especially accentuated by illness. But I saw most of it.

My brain is flooded with memories of travel and sickness. Not just Ireland. But since I was at least 17. We flew to Chicago for my Julliard tryouts. I don't think I was nervous. By that point I didn't even want to go to college there.

I tried. I struck out. That night I floated in the pool like a lost soul of bullshit. Floated like a turd you could say.

The flight home was terrible. I needed the puke bag of "Uh oh."

After that I never recovered from the "Uh oh," or feeling like a floating turd in a pool of bleach. Gross. But honest. Not derogatory. If you knew what was plagueing my body, you would realize that the turd is closest to the truth.

Washington D.C. came after that. I spent the first 3 days puking. The last 2 almost getting thrown in jail for harassing President Clinton and inciting riots. I still don't know how that happened exactly...but it was fun. I rarely remember the sickness of my 1999 DC Adventure because the crazy life that happened around it is a way better memory.

Years after have been spent in similar fashion. I would be knocked down at some point, my body unable to handle the stress and food of travel. In fact, I believe the reason that I fared so well in the UK for 2 1/2 weeks out of the 3 is because I ate bread and butter everyday with only small doses of specialty food. I did pig out on haggis. IT'S SO GOOD! Trust me.

So why travel? Why put myself through a stress when I barely handle the day to day functions of living? Why look at a plane and think all those where's, will's and what's instead of thinking, "Uh oh," or a floating turd in a pool of bleach.*

Because...I ATE HAGGIS IN SCOTLAND! And I don't remember a rough and bloated feeling afterwards though I'm almost positive it was there.

I took a Midnight Express Bus to London on little sleep, with McDonald's food (always a mistake), a rundown system while low on medication. But all I remember is watching drunks in Penrith, England order McDonald's food while slurring with their British accent, cops busting up some pot smokers, a very large, robust man wearing designer stonewashed jeans, a boy named Morgan who helped me big-time and the toilet out of order. IT WAS HILARIOUS!

I ran on a sparkling, soft beach in Pembry/Burry Port, Wales barefooted.

I rock climbed Kidwelly Castle and then saw the sign that said, "No Rock Climbing."

I rang a bell for the Tampa Bay Rays!

I played Blackjack and slots in Las Vegas.

I climbed a mountain in Colorado.

Yes, that is what I remember. That will be my truth.

I am a TRAVELER. I am an ADVENTURER.

And no illness will define me.