Toilet Paper 101

#2. I HATE DIRTY HANDS/TOILET PAPER AND SOAP 101

You are at a bar or discotheque in Chile. You have a couple of cocktails, maybe some water. Uh oh--your bladder's full. For me, that's an every 2 hour occurrence.

You excuse yourself from the group or like me, just point towards the Loo (bathroom). As you make your way through the crowd, a little pee escapes from your overworked bladder. You are desperate and suddenly finding yourself facing an unexpected problem--No, not a long line but a demand of payment for usage.

That's right; you must pay to use the bathroom. This isn't an absolute but very common in bars, public restrooms, malls and markets. And as an added icing bonus, there is no toilet paper in the stalls. Sometimes there is a lady standing outside the bano holding neatly folded sheets of toilet paper which comes with the price of admission.

So, you are standing at the BANO searching your pockets for 200-300 peso (40-60 cents) to pay the piper with your bladder wishing for a diaper when yes--the change is found--paid and you rush in--plop down--excuse me--crouch down and then it's like SWEET RELIEF!!!

That is until you realize that there is no toilet paper in the stall or any stall--no one to "spare a square" and you were so frantic you rushed past the toilet paper lady! Your stomach sinks as a knot forms because you just peed out a lake without any dry land to stand on.

And this... is an awful moment of truth with one’s self--meant to be kept with one’s self. But lets just say I got over the hand issue.

But I quickly learned to carry toilet paper with me or squirrel away restaurant napkins in my pockets because YOU NEVER KNOW!

Soap dispensers were sparse and never did you see paper towels--THAT IS A LUXURY! I sometimes carried hand sanitizer but grew tired of the bulk in my pockets.

What I thought was a given or necessity in life--toilet paper in stalls, free restroom usage, soap and paper towels, is well, not a given everywhere else. Those "necessities" are expensive upkeep, sometimes inaccessible and maybe not as necessary as I believed.

And I believed, pre-Chile, that washing my hands or avoiding touching dirty things or possibly bacteria covered objects or well lets be honest, children, was a necessity to staying healthy.

But I didn't get some horrible disease or lose use of my faculties while living in Chile. I wasn't poisoned or constantly fighting colds or the flu. In fact, my body felt stronger and healthier from the inside out. Which I found odd.

And I'm just wondering if being 100% sanitary clean is healthy or if healthy comes from a resilient immune system that knows how to deal with a little dirt?

Either way, I'm lucky. I'm lucky because I live in the States with easy access to the tp and I'm lucky because I went somewhere and learned how little necessities I really need.

Down with HOP a.k.a. Hill of Pain, Chile

Valparaiso is a ciudad built on massive cerros (hills).

I lived on one... Cerro Yunguy, and my butt and calves have yet to forgive me.

A day must be planned over the HOP. Leaving between 2 pm and 5 pm is death from drowning--in your own sweat that is.

The people of Chile have planned it well though. They understand the environment in which they live in and therefore plan their lives around it.

Lunch is taken around 2 pm and it's a grande meal! Soup/salad, bread/appetizer, entree and then dessert. They eat while there is heat and once that disapates they go back to work finishing between 8 and 9 pm.

I fought against this ingrained design at first by eating lunch at noon and attempting to descend and climb that massive HOP in the afternoon. I soon found myself exhausted and sweaty, without a shower and just plain irritated by 4 pm.

Mind you, there are Collectivo's, shared taxis, but I was living on a very strict budget. If you can't hoof it, you can't do it.

I had to follow the rules of the environment or stay in bed. Some days it was a tough, tough choice my friend!

But on returning I realized I based my day around many things--work, friends, bathroom schedules, classes, writing, and well, sunlight.

What do you base your life around?

Squelching Neurotic Ticks in Valparaiso, Chile

PART #1. MUST SHOWER!
Before work. After work. After work out. Before going out. It dictated my life.

Our "furnished" apartment in Valparaiso, Chile was a 2-story loft with wood floors and a shower with exposed rock walls--BEAUTIFUL!

Smelly with a layer of filth from traveling I sprinted to the bathroom! It took less then 2 minutes to realize that "furnished" did not mean bedding included.

Undaunted by the lack of towels I flipped on the shower head and yelped like a kicked puppy. No freaking hot water! Our gas propane tank was empty! I didn't know how to buy a tank or where and my Spanish, well, sucks!*

Then I thought of Katherine Hepburn. She swam in a frigid sea/lake every day. She said it kept her body and mind strong!

So I stripped down and hopped in that icy shower screaming "Katherine Hepburn! Katherine Hepburn! What the hell were you thinking Katherine Hepburn?!"

But I was clean. My first shower in Valpo in my new apartment. I caught a cold but quickly recovered.

The shower did not recover though!

We finally bought a new propane tank but it leaked gas into my bedroom turning it into Sylvia Plath's oven. The bathroom faucet broke causing water to run constantly unless we turned off the water valves. Ants exploded everywhere and I'm pretty sure were biters and we had 2 new guests; one-inch slugs named Frank and Frank Pt. Deux.

Showering became a nuisance and with the constant heat, irrelevant.

Valparaiso itself is a slightly dirtier ciudad because the feral dogs rip apart trash bags searching for food. Heavy gusts of wind that run through Valparaiso scatter the trash everywhere and on everyone. So even if you were clean before you left the apartment, you weren't the moment you stepped outside.

To be completely fair though, Valparaiso, Chile' is a beautiful city full of political and religious graffiti, stilt houses with Tuscan colors and wonderful old men who slowly climb the cerros (hills) as their daily walk.

It is a ciudad full of honest grit and little pretension. And a place for a Neurotic Traveler to face and hopefully embrace their irks and quirks.

Whether I wanted to or not.

*I moved to Chile believing my Spanish to more then tolerable only to quickly realize that the dialect in Chile was extremely hard. It's fast, with "s" dropped on many words, and slang constantly changing.