An ending happens
A new start begins
Change…
And a word
Introduced
First time
Freedom!
Washes over my
Young
Grieving soul
I grab it.
A sudden yank
I’m high into air
Overwhelmed
Exhilarated
By this new life
That could be mine
But which life?
Choose one.
I don’t know.
What if
I choose
Wrong?
The wrong space
Wrong place
Wrong house
Wrong mate
Wrong state
So I stay.
Suspended.
Waiting I guess
For the right answer
Finding all that freedom
More stifling
More confusing
Then
19 years
Of being
Stuck
With a
Thumb
Over
My
Head.
I dreamed
I wished
With my child heart
A future
Beaming
Plum full
Possibilities
So ready to get away
No focus on where
Or why
How
What?
Just away.
I hop
Skip
Jump
No roots can find me.
I never plant
Yet I hover
Float
Over
The place
I always
Wanted
To leave
Fed up
With my
Indecision
I make
A choice
A split second
Over
An Amaretto Sour
To Land
To try
My feet come down
Skidding to the ground
And there it is
The future.
In Spanish
Southern Hemisphere
But corresponding
Latitude Lines
New friends
New life
New HOME.
Period.
Then semi-colon
Comma
Run on sentence
And I’m flying back
Where?
No specific place
Swear.
Cause I’ve got freedom Baby!
Eleven years of freedom
My adult life
Stuck in hover mode
Never committing
Lost in a void
Dreamless
Goalless
Dullness
Spilling out
Crying for home
A home base
I believe
Is the answer
I
Search loudly
Make
Decisions boldly
But silently
My eyes twitched
Fingers tapped
Nails chewed
Sleep lost to
Frustation
Which
Quietly set in
But
I'm stubborn.
I'm going to land
Fully
No run on sentence
It is set
It is Real
Now
The car packed
Apartment found
Life planned
Future
Far away
Future
In a state
Future
14 hours away
And I sobbed
My legs came down
My feet skidded
To the ground
And I landed
Not Realizing
It happened
I looked around
Familiar sounds
Angry
ANGRY!
No
Not it!
Cause I landed
Where I began
I heard music
Bright lights
Dancing
Laughter
A feeling
Of warmth
Spreading
Through
My void
My heart
My twitching
Eye
It flooded
My anger
Quickly diluting
Shock-Confusion-Disgust
Painful
Memories
Of a
Childhood
Washed
Clean
Years away
Understanding
A comprehensin
To the pain
As a smile
Fills my face
Because I finally
Found
My place
Hmmm, where IS your place, Hon? And how did you finally find it?
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. Nothing more needs to be said. Awesome sums it up! <3
ReplyDeleteThanks Tracy!
ReplyDeleteUm, so funny thing Sally--I found home where I started,in Wisconsin. It won't stop the traveling though and I may move someday. But Wisconsin is where I'm supposed to be. I got your email and I will make sure to check out your blog link.
Thanks to both of you for supporting me!
Poo I forgot to sign in. ITS ME NERISSA!
Very nice - sounds like some cleansing of old hurts and a new outlook. Like traveling in the mind. Love ya
ReplyDelete