A Tiger Tried to Eat My Face

I love to ski...now. And am totally psyched for my upcoming ski trip to Winter Park! But the beginning--learning to ski, what a troubling and embarrassing black mark across my brain damaged noggin...

1991 TROLLHAUGEN (SCHOOL TRIP)
I was 11 and awkward with no sports like skills but I was excited to zoom down those hills. NO SWEAT.

A ½ hour lesson later I was scooting to the nearest chair lift completely ill prepared.

And chair lifts—they can be unnerving and confusing if it’s your first time!

I watched people shuffle forward as the chair gracefully swooped them up—easy peasy right?!

I shuffled forward—right left, right left—you can do this—don’t embarrass yourself—wait-stop—don’t do that—don’t cross like that—no—STOOOOOOP!—and THUD on the soft ground. I landed on my side, my skis completely entangled. I rolled on my back and looked up to see the chair directly over my head.

Everybody from my school saw including the boy I had a crush on. My 11-year old heart shattered from embarrassment. But I got on the lift—it took 1 attendant and 2 helpful skiers but it happened.

Shake it off! And I did, by racing down hills without knowing how to brake and then ICE CHUNK, 180 flip and I slid down the hill—ON MY FACE.

I carved some deep and bloody scratches into this mug. It looked like a tiger tried to eat me.

But did I give up?!

1993 TROLLHAUGEN (SCHOOL TRIP)
I am a pro by now—at falling—not stopping.

WHO NEEDS TO STOP? But as I zip, zip, zip down this hill I suddenly realize why. A little boy is scooting slowly across the hill and I am flying right at him!

I try to stop but I am going way too fast. I DODGE and flip, flip, flip and SPLAT!

Bright splotches swirl my head and someone keeps asking—“Are you okay? Are you okay?” I wonder who the hell is she talking too and who’s crying?! Oh, IT’S ME! And then I’m on a stretcher.

Enough! I was done. SKIING SUCKS. Or I SUCK. Either way, I’m not doing it anymore.

But years pass, brains heal and my stubborness sets in--I want to ski again and do it right.

My 2 friends decided to join me on my plight bringing their own traumatic skiing scars with them.

Cheryl, on her 1st ski trip, broke her foot. She didn’t tell anyone and skied the rest of the trip—in complete pain. Don’t ask me why. She never skied again.

Julie, also her 1st ski trip, was on a chair lift with her friend. The friend bent down to fix her ski, fell off and landed—right into the hospital. Julie never skied again.

Until now.

2006 CHRISTMAS MOUNTAIN (GIRLS WEEKEND)
It started out well—a few bumps and thumps—a couple of beers—a few more bumps and thumps—a couple shots…

By nightfall I was slightly sauced and facing the moguls. OH YES I AM A MORON! Cruising 1 mph I hit the peak and let my poles fly up as I let out a “Wee!”

Behind me I heard “AW SHIIIIIT!” and turned to see Julie flying in the night sky like ET. And then gravity set in and her body plummeted to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Julie gave up skiing.

Not me. It took 13 years but I finally learned how to freaking stop.

2009 PORTILLO, CHILE
So I am in Chile—surrounded by the Andes and this is WAY beyond my skiing ability.

It showed on the very first run when I followed my friend, Drew, down a steep, crusty snowed slope, quickly realizing that I AM GOING TO DIE. So I stop! And now I am stranded. The only way is down but all I could see was PAIN and STRETCHER.

With blinding fear I pushed on and you know what, I flipped and smacked and slammed down next to the chair lift with everyone watching…right back to 1991.

It took another 20 minutes to get down the hill because I WALKED! I am not proud of this. But redemption comes from honesty. I hope.

I wasn’t to be done in. I ate 2 sandwiches, 3 trail mix bars, ½ bag of chips, a pack of cookies, 3 bags of fruit snacks, drank a 2 liter of Coke and took a 40 minute power nap. Either I was starved or a stress eater.

But I woke up ready.

I took those ski lifts all over the Andes and Slalomed my way down like a make-shift pro. I was still scared at times but it came down to one thing: SINK OR SWIM or SKI OR NOT. And I skied. I didn’t fall again.

And the view from the slopes and the lifts was absolutely startling! It made all that was embarrassing and painful melt away into just another freakish incident in a long line of learning do’s and don’ts.

TROLLHAUGEN 2010
Back to the beginning right?!

But this time I went off a half pipe and caught 2 INCHES OF AIR! And the Black Diamonds are just fun and the chair lifts are awkward for everyone, even the seasoned.

But most of all, EVERYBODY FALLS! And, minus dying or truly impairing yourself, falling is just a fact of life. Get up. Figure out who’s crying. Eat a sandwich or 3 and try, try again. Because the view and the experience was worth a billion times more to this girl then the painful memory of skidding down a slope on my face.